Dandelyon's Worlds

After my brother realized he was not long for this world, he started trying to convince us to take his tattoos. Or make them into drum heads. Or at least, taken literally, that's the words he was using. I think he was trying to get us to realize he wouldn't be with us very long (though he died suddenly, and before even he expected it to happen).

After he died, and his other sisters got an autopsy (it is some comfort that even if we had been sitting in the room with him and even if he'd been in better shape, the heart attack that took him from us so quickly was of a type that had less than a 10% survival rate), his daughter had him cremated.

But after his memorial, while spending time with family, I borrowed my youngest sister's paints and brushes, and she gave me a canvas to use, black for mourning, and I started to paint him. It's still a work in progress, there's lots of details to improve on, but as I painted, those tattoos kept springing to mind, and I started adding them to the painting, his companions in making the music that he loved and played and taught.

When I get this into better shape, I'll share the updated painting. But for now, here it is, a painting in progress to accompany my mourning in progress.

Pictured are The Lorax, Annubis, Yoda, and Kokopelli.

I got outside after the neighbor drove off in his four-wheeled boom box. It was just too loud--too loud for me to even want to be in the kitchen with the windows closed. I sure hope he has things to do to keep him out of his car or away from the house for most of the summer. We cleaned an area of the driveway where I'd been storing sapling trunks to use as plant stakes for several years. Naturally, leaves had collected over and under the wood, and once we picked out the remaining tomato stakes and random sticks, we found lovely black soil and even happy earthworms! The leaves and dirt went either into the compost or on the ancient rosebush that we pruned dead stuff out of earlier this spring.

My Angel had to do most of the standing work, I'm afraid. But that bit of the garden looks a lot neater now!

Earlier, I chatted with friends and worked on my dandelion-fairy painting.

Last night, after falling in bed early, I woke up and did a little music in the middle of the night. The bass stuff is happening so slowly compared to before I got sick. Everything is happening so slowly, since the unpredictable chest tightness and exhaustion haven't gone away. Ugh.

But slow progress is better than none.

I was chatting in another thread about user icons, and thought that this memory was worth properly memorializing here.

So, a very long time ago, I believe I was still in college, I was at a con and, as usual, attending the very late night filk. There was this cute shy young kid there, and he wanted to do some sketching. I think he was even younger than me; neither of us had art supplies or sketchbooks, but I said he could draw on the backs of some of my lyric sheets.

He did two sketches of me with my atoharp. I loved them. He wasn't so enthusiastic. He wouldn't even sign them for me, but they were on my lyric sheets and so I got to keep them. (Heck, he wouldn't even tell me his name.)

Eventually, I managed to get both of them into plastic page protectors, because I still treasure them.

And I scanned one of them, electronically erased the bleed-through from the lyrics on the other side of the too-thin paper, and have been happily using it as one of my user icons here for years.

Also, you should happen to see this, oh unknown artist, thank you!!! You brightened my night so long ago, and those two late-night sketches still make me smile.

The new bass came with a lovely padded gig bag--except it is a dull brown, kind of khaki, which decidedly clashes with my bright purple/green/blue/pink aesthetic. I just knew it would bug me forever if I left it like that.

I had to make it better. But how? Easy--well, maybe not "easy" to do it in a way I'll enjoy it, but at least not complicated in principle: Fabric paint!

Even better, I have a bunch of that still from when I was semi-regularly painting t-shirts. (When you are a working single Mom, you don't get to do stuff like painting dragons on t-shirts very regularly.)

So, first I'm making it green, and then I'll brighten it up a little more with paints, and then I'll have to decide if I'm going to go all figural on it with paints, or leave it plain enough that I can add patches like I normally do on gig bags.

I plan to share more progress photos on my Patreon, as well as the finished photos, eventually.



This is a picture of the case with the very start of the painting. At the bottom, you can see the original color, which is WAY too reminiscent of my high-school uniform colors (which were brown, beige, and white). Painting around those lovely stitched letters was not easy!

So, I now have a paid DreamWidth account and have set up one final import. There's not a lot that I expect to change here except that I'll get all my icons imported. Sadly, DW isn't set up to import photos hosted on LJ, so the old posts will lose their photos. It's imperfect, but it's the best I can do. I will not give money to people who not only imposed objectionable TOS on people, but did it without warning and made it impossible to even back up your blog to another site without pressing that "agree" button.  Next, I will see about crossposting without using LJ as an intermediary.

Also, as I noted during the last readings, I've set up a Patreon. Naturally, shortly after I did that, Patreon decided to change how they charge people, which caused a lot of uproar. Unlike the GOP, the people running Patreon listened to their Creators and Patrons and changed their minds, sending out an e-mail this morning. But until that happened, I felt weird about asking my old and new friends to send me one or more dollars, knowing that Patreon had said they would be charging patrons more than the pledged amount.

But now, that is no longer the case, so instead of saying, "I'm aware of this and will be investigating other options", I can simply invite you along for the adventure.

So, with butterflies in my stomach, here it is:  Deirdre's Patreon.

I just put up a second free post, and will add some more Patrons Only posts soon.

Usually, when I do ritual, creating sacred space is easy. I hold my intent softly and gently in my mind, and I am there. Day or night, private or public space, the presence of candles, incense, or other sacred tools--it doesn't matter.

Except when it does.

Being able to do it so casually most of the time can make it harder to notice when it isn't just happening, much less to figure out why. Especially since life is usually unusually hard at that point--and isn't that when we need our sacred spaces the most?.

This is complicated by the fact that I find that living my life with the awareness and intent that each moment is sacred to be more important than formal ritual, which so often can be empty, or filled with a sense of bored obligation rather than an awareness and celebration of the divine within and without. Yeah, there's boredom and drudgery in any path--it's impossible to convince myself that washing dishes is sacred on an experiential level, no matter how much I agree it's sacred on a logical level, for instance--so it's a challenge to try to stay in that mental space, even when evil is not on the rise, even when there's no clear and present danger that in the near future I won't have the money and healthcare I need, and even when there's no urgent worries about the health or well-being of people I care about.

Add those things in, and that sense of wonder, of the sacred, can slip away like a well drying up in a drought. It's there, and it's there, and it's there (though you have to work harder and be more patient to drink your fill), until, one day, it's not there, or at least is not enough.

And for all my belief that we can defeat this evil and all my determination that we will (because we must), it's taking its toll. I don't want to have to spend time on politics, not day in and day out. I don't want to be looking at my dwindling income and the threats to Obamacare and the threats of violence to queer people and worrying about the future. My health issues affect my sleep on my best nights. Worries don't help at all, and exhaustion mimics depression remarkably well. It's no wonder I've been feeling worn, overwhelmed, uninspired, and distracted.

But my good friend Susan Urban and her husband were playing at Pagan Pride (as a group, they call themselves February Sky), and though I overslept and we got there late, I was determined to get there. And we did get there, and I was walking around listening to the music, looking at things and talking quietly to the vendors, and the sweet old lady doing readings talked me into a discounted reading. She assured me her cards could give me insight into what I most need to know, and that's why I was at her table. Then she asked about my question. Half of my focus was on the music and the other half, the part thinking about my life, was just kind of overwhelmed. I stuck with that question: "What do I most need to know?".

She does readings using three decks. She had me shuffle the first deck, fan them out, and draw cards one at a time, three from the first deck and one each from the other two. First, I drew Armadillo, which she said was all about setting boundaries appropriately, but also a warning to face my troubles and not try to hide in my shell. Armadillo was flanked by cards for the mental and practical, lizard, for dreams, and snake, for rebirth. A lot of reptiles--maybe signifying that I'm naturally more affected by the metaphysical weather than I thought? I don't know. But the boundaries thing, that rang true in lots of ways, from keeping the boundaries on my food intake I need to stay healthy to limiting my exposure to all the upsetting news happening today. I've also had a task to organize my writing and arting better that I set into my Google calendar. It's been recurring as instructed for a few weeks now, whether or not I had the time and energy to do it, and that is also essentially an issue of boundaries, of carving out time and focus so I get more done. Not that I saw all that in the moment, but I felt at least some of it, on a deep, wordless level.

And then she had me draw a card from the second deck, the deck she said was Spirit Guides. I've never felt a particular affinity to Panda, but the advice that I need to create a sacred space in my home and place of work, that certainly rang true, and continues to ring true. There are plenty of things that have been making me crazy about my work and living spaces. There's reasons for all of that, of course; I've been focused on accomplishing urgent things. But that doesn't leave much space or time for thinking about making sacred space and sacred time where and when I most need it. That dovetails right into the need to tend boundaries, really, in my mind. I've started to act on that part. Since the reading, I've prioritized putting at least a little time every day into finishing the plaster work on our currently deconstructed dry goods closet (I pulled it apart when I didn't have time because the detritus made it clear it had become a mouse haven, and wouldn't be a safe haven for our food and oven parchment and so forth until the holes were fixed), and cleaning my office (I'd kept enough space for writing, barely, but had started sorting old papers and cluttered things up quite a bit. Mind you sorting those papers is a legitimate business activity, but having them clutter up my creative space was far from inspirational. I will just have to refuse to pull more stuff out to sort than I can finish in one sitting, not to have my office look like it belongs in some yuppy magazine, but because I need the space to feel inspired.) There's work yet to do on both of those things, and other stuff to do after, but at least I have started. Some of this was clear to me when she turned Panda over for me to see, but it reflects into other things too, into my goal of giving away or throwing away stuff I don't need and even into remembering to go out and pick up the trash that blows into (and gets stuck in) my rose bushes.

Finally, from a deck that's all wolves, I received the advice that I'm at a crossroads, with an emphasis that I am not at a dead end, I am free to choose my new direction. Additionally, the card advised me to plan and to keep focused on what's practical. I'm not sure what to make of that yet, but I'm still working on the boundaries and the sacred space. I expect that once I get those things in order, I'll start to see what paths are available and what choices I have to choose between. And certainly, with the danger of having less resources in the future, keeping practicality in mind matters.

I suppose that now I should go check on that drying plaster. It would be nice to paint the closet tomorrow, or at least very soon. Once it's dry, I can put stuff away that's currently hard to find and underfoot in the library.

And then I'll remember a lesson learned in my divorce, and do some formal ritual to help things along. Candles, incense, statues and so on are only symbols to help me focus (I learned, long ago, that if I tried to rely on an object for my magic, it would break or disappear all too soon)--but when I'm having trouble focusing, they are powerful symbols. And the tools I use are all, in and of themselves, beautiful and in alignment with my higher self, or I wouldn't use them in the first place.

They'll still be in a space that's imperfectly cleaned and sorted, but I can celebrate the progress I've made and plan for what I need to do to move forward, in whatever directions I will choose along the way.

Blessed Be to all of you, my friends. May you have the sacred space you need, and may your boundaries be wisely set and wholesome. May your dreams be strong, and if you need to shed a skin or two, I hope it won't itch too much as you shed the old and grow into the new. And when you face a crossroads, may you be aware that very few choices are between a good path and a bad one. May you see clearly the risks and benefits of your choices, and may you find inspiring and practical ways to work to achieve your dreams, and kindness along the way.

I went to see Wisc. State Rep. Fred Kessler talk about the case (Whitford v. Gill) against the Wisconsin redistricting that was recently ruled unconstitutional, and which Wisconsin's GOP government is appealing to the Supreme Court of the United States.

He first introduced himself, talking about his history and how he got into politics. He was first elected to serve as a representative in Madison in 1960, when he was a very young man, and he has also served as a Judge before returning to working as a politician.



He gave us this background so we would understand why he immediately recognized how unfair the current electoral map in Wisconsin is. He immediately started talking to people about whether a legal case could be made to challenge it. I don't have all the names, as most of the notes I was taking were in the form of sketching the speaker, but it was interesting to hear how the case developed. Little things mattered--for instance, one of the people invited to a meeting brought his then-girlfriend, who agreed that this was a big issue, and who volunteered to do some fund raising, as she knew people who she thought would agree that this was an issue of basic fairness and very important to the continuation of our democratic form of government.

She came back to the group at their next meeting with pledges for over $150,000.

Now you have to understand that this money did not go to the lawyers--they are donating their time, and won't get paid unless they win--but this money meant that the lawyers could start the process, doing all the little and big things that are needed for a lawsuit, from the trivial (filing and serving the lawsuit) to the most vital and most expensive--paying for copies of documents as part of the discovery process, hiring experts, paying them to do the research necessary to have a properly informed opinion, depositions, and so on.

He talked about the importance of choosing plaintiffs who were representative of the various different districts in the state--and the importance of having one of those be a lawyer and law professor very familiar with the process and with the implications of the various choices that would have to be made in the course of the lawsuit. He talked about his worries that a Republican-appointed judge was assigned to their case, and how that Republican judge ruled quite clearly against the unconstitutional gerrymandering that the GOP created in Wisconsin.

He says that if the Supreme Court rules for the plaintiffs in this case, upholding the lower court's ruling that Wisconsin's districts were unconstitutionally gerrymandered, he thinks that this case will prove as important to our country as Brown v. Board of Education. He talked about GOP efforts in a number of states and admitted that the Democrats had done some gerrymandering, though not to as severe an extent, in Massachusetts. He said that it is very important that a standard be established. In his opinion it doesn't much matter who is tasked with drawing up the maps if there is a very clear, fair legal standard.

As to that, another thing that happened early on was that someone knew about then-unpublished research that would allow a non-subjective test of the fairness, a way to measure whether a map was fair not only by race, but by party affiliation or political philosophy. He felt it was essential to winning this case that this study existed, and that it was accepted as a valid test by the Court.

He also said that there were four important legal points that had to be met in order to win the lawsuit--the courts had to find the following:

1. That members of a political party (or perhaps it was people who lean one way or another politically) are a protected class
2. That the map did deprive said members of a protected class of their rights
3. That the map was drawn with the intent of depriving members of a protected class of their rights, and
4. There was no other justifiable, legal reason to have drawn the map the way it was drawn.

Now, my lawyer readers should keep in mind that I'm doing my best to report his words accurately, but I am not a legal scholar and did not record the meeting. I am relying on my memory and a few scribbled notes on the back of the meeting agenda, so I might have gotten some important nuance wrong. But this is accurate to the best of my recollection and understanding.

At the end, he took questions.

One person asked if this government in Wisconsin was elected unconstitutionally, then are they legitimately in office? Rep. Kessler said that is a very interesting question, and no one knows the answer. For instance, if they are not legitimate, then no one knows whether some of the more outrageous laws that were passed by the people elected using an unconstitutional map can be challenged in Court as invalid.

I asked if there is support for eliminating the Electoral College. He said that he is not convinced that is a good idea, and talked about the chaos that the Republicans caused trying to make sure that the Florida recount could not be accomplished in a timely and accurate fashion, and said that he didn't want to see that chaos on a national scale.

In answer to another question, he noted that, now that the GOP has instituted their very restrictive voter ID law, he anticipates that they will try to eliminate Wisconsin's election day voter registration and early voting provisions, to further suppress the vote.

It was a small group, perhaps in part because of the Women's Rally today, but clearly there were more questions at the point when the regular Southside Democrats' agenda had to be hurriedly finished, since the public library was about to close. Some of the attendees headed to a local pub for more discussion, but we had other errands to do and one of the stores we needed to stop at was closing shortly.

The meeting was definitely interesting, and I was very glad to hear from such a careful and informed person that he is very optimistic about what the Supreme Court ruling on this matter will be.

After the dentist and dinner, I stayed up later than planned last night, finishing this. If no one buys it, I'm tempted to add a girl curled up, reading a book, in the biggest bubble, but I like the painting as-is, and besides, I can't paint up a decent person anywhere near as fast as I can do a flower or tree!

If you'll be there this evening stop by the Midwinter Faire and paint with me! Or maybe we can find time to get together in the Cafe and paint--there'll be musicians playing there on and off, if previous years are any indication.

And sketchfest is this weekend, so even if you're not there, we can, perhaps, do some art together virtually.

Here's the finished painting, with watermark. I think the photo is a little blurry--some of the details just aren't showing up. Oh, well. Maybe I can get a better photo (or at least some detail photos) at the con.

So, I'm still working on the Capricon Challenge painting. I now have a goat and part of a child-satyr. She did have a face, but it was out of proportion with the body and not very good, so I've painted over her poor face.

She looks very awkward and sad this way, but the covering paint has to dry quite thoroughly before I try again or the background will blend into her skin tones, so she'll have to wait a bit for my new attempt.



The goat isn't too terrible, I guess.



I tried to find a spot where my shadow didn't fall on the goat; somehow that led to a much greener picture than we got for the kid, though I took the photos within a few feet of each other. The colored plastic shades on my lights must have more effect on the light than I realized!

I also dropped my brush and got paint on my skirt, a thing I normally manage to avoid. It (the skirt) is nothing special, so I didn't drop everything to go wash the paint out, but still, it's annoying. I'm used to painting in clothes I love without painting them--a much easier thing to do with real acrylics than with wall paint acrylics, I should note. That stuff is diluted for easy spreading and to still be spreadable if it's open to the air for hours and hours. So it's not really that impressive that I don't normally get painter's art acrylics on my clothes.

Tomorrow, hopefully, I can get the girl done, or at least more done, and start adding at least one imaginary (or not so imaginary) friend.

With the current state of things, I'm feeling more need for insight and inspiration than usual, and I'm thinking my friends might also be feeling the same. So I'm going to try to schedule card readings more often this year, hopefully at least once a month at either the full moon or the new (or possibly both). I'm also thinking I may be able to use this card draw for my own inspiration (see below).

It's a New Moon this evening, so I figure I'll offer to draw cards. I hope to send some good energy out into the world, to spark some hope and creativity. You can ask about real life or a creative project, or even a game. I can draw a card for you to meditate on, to represent the Guide you need right now, or to get you unstuck. I can draw a card for a character or can draw a card or cards for you to use as writing or art prompts--starting something new is a traditional use of New Moon energy. But ask what you will, because now is always transforming into a new moment.

I hope you will stop by my garden. It's windy outside today; the snow is all gone, and everything is still winter-grey. But we can move one of the little round tables into the library and sit under the wood carving of dragons playing. The guitar tree is in a corner, the there guitars each have a little tube stuck between the strings. If you ask, I explain that those are guitar humidifiers, to keep the wood supple. You and I can share hot chocolate or tea and chat, and you can get a reading if you would like one. Both new friends and old are welcome.

For free one card readings, you can pick from the Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle, my combined Susan Seddon Boulet Animal Spirits and Goddesses cards, or the Shapeshifter Tarot. You can ask a question, ask for a Guide, ask for inspiration, or you can just ask for a card. I don't need to know what your question is, but you are welcome to share it with me if you like.

The first card is free (though tips are always appreciated). Tips also let you ask me to use any of my other decks, to request a private reading, or to draw a clarifying card. If you want a longer reading, send a direct message so we can agree on the type of reading and rate.

Please consider dropping something in the guitar case below. Readings take time and energy, and even though the Milwaukee winter, like everything else, has been affected by global warming, winter heat is pricey and old houses always need repair somewhere or other.

Signal boosts are very much appreciated, and also earn you the right to ask for a clarifying card.

Today I'm trying a new thing--if donations reach $50 or more, I will use one or more of the cards drawn today as inspiration for a new acrylic sketch/painting, which I will share here, so you can all see how you inspire me.

I'll periodically update progress on that goal here (on DW, the edits may or may not transfer over to LJ, I guess that's also an experiment). So far, I have received $12 of the $50 needed to prompt a sketch/painting. If we go over that amount, I will put more time into moving the painting onward from the sketch stage.

I understand all too well that when people don't have cash or spoons that is generally when they most need inspiration! Don't be afraid to ask for a card if you can't tip.

If you tip, it's helpful to me for you to mention it here so I can connect your paypal information with your request. Tips should be at least $1 (Paypal charges fees). If that doesn't work for you, drop me a message and we'll work something out.

I've written before about why I do readings and some of the decks I use here, feel free to hop over and check me out. I'll wait.

I will reply to all requests. In the highly unlikely event that the number of requests nears my limits, I'll close this card draw by adding a clear note at the top of the post rather than risk leaving anyone without a response. However, I intend to stay open at least through Saturday night, and longer for paid readings since in these days of low LJ usage, people may find the post late.

Thank you, and Blessed Be!

As always, these readings are for entertainment and inspiration only. See my "Dandelyon's Readings" page if you have questions.