Reflecting on the Potential Blessings of Wearing Black

[wyld_dandelyon]

I remember when I was a kid, reading about people wearing black for a year after a close relative died. All black seemed terribly gloomy, and a year seemed way too long.

But now that I'm approaching the anniversary of my aunt's death, I look back and see that I haven't been up to as much as I expected during the whole of the last year. Writing, music, and so many other things that I love have been harder to start and harder to sustain. Stuff slips my mind when it shouldn't.

Admittedly, for me, being stuck in black for the whole year would have made things worse. I've always loved bright colors and fun clothes, and those have been a comfort to me. But I wonder, if people had known I wasn't myself, might some of the rough spots been smoothed over a bit by other people offering a quiet bit of extra kindness? Maybe there was a practical reason for those mourning clothes, after all.

Not that I want to wear all that black, mind you. Give my my purple and green and rainbow dresses!

Comments

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's it, except in a very general sense. I mean, sure we are overbooked and overtired for the most part, and that does cut down on what we notice, to some degree. But here I don't think it's the noticing so much as the understanding that was the cause of the disconnect.

By that I mean that our culture has changed, and people don't assume dark clothing is for mourning (except specifically at funerals) because out of that context it could mean so many other different things.

For instance, people may have noticed, but lacked the context to think it meant anything more than you weren't able to do laundry two weeks in a row, so you were down to your less favorite or more formal clothes until you had time to rectify that. Alternatively they may have noticed the change, but didn't know how to ask you about it without risking making you or themselves uncomfortable.

[nexrad.livejournal.com]

This is a good possibility. People knew in my case, but maybe I just wear my difficult times well. ;-)

I suspect it's all more about comfort levels and this "TMI" nature of modern society. We tend to put so much of ourselves online, but it seems much of that is some sort of facade painted positive and confident, at least for those who seem to have good social popularity in such spaces.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Many people are very uncomfortable talking about death or grieving. Knowing the reason might have been the reason for not saying anything, either due to their discomfort level or to being unwilling to risk saying the wrong thing.