I found a thing I wrote on FB

And it isn't apropos to anything happening today, but it has a lot of good reminders for myself and I don't want to lose it. It has thoughts that it's important for me to remember. And FB is, well, FB.

So I'm sharing it today. I hope you don't need any of these insights in your life right now. But if you do, I'll offer as many virtual hugs as you want.

* * *

To the person who sent me a totally unnecessary and insulting farewell message today:

Really, you shouldn't have. But I will treasure this message for a long time. This note will remind me of what I think was the biggest mistake I've made so far this year and help me to avoid repeating it.

Your note gave me the opportunity to reflect on what it has been to be a person with chronic illness my whole adult life. To remember the many things that would have been fun or worthwhile to do that I honestly said I would like to do but did not commit to because I wasn't sure I could do them. To remember how many of them I did not, in fact, get to do. To remember that I cannot and never will be able to do All The Things.

But also, your note prompted me to remember the many things I did do. I raised an outstanding young woman. I've taken care of family when they were ill. I've written songs that made people cry, and better yet, made them smile. And lots more. Thinking about it I can see in retrospect that those things, large and small, did matter. Each of them made the world a little better for somebody. If that somebody wasn't you, well, you never went out of your way to make my life better, so we're even.

Your note also led me to consider the ways deliberately malicious words and even casual negative words waste people's time and energy. I was able to reflect on your words in the past weeks and contrast them with the words from people like my friend who posts about kindness. Her presence, in person, on the phone, and in social media has always made my life better. Admittedly, it's usually been small things, but those things mattered. Interacting with her always leaves me feeling energized, not drained, and helped me to do more than I might have otherwise managed to do.

Your note prompted me to think about my priorities--that when I had to choose between activities, I have mostly lived up to my belief that a person's health, work, and family should come before more casual relationships. And when I'm choosing between casual relationships and social events, it is appropriate to give more of my time and attention to the people who are supportive of me and to avoid people who leave me feeling drained and unappreciated. Your note tells me that I made some good choices in the past in that regard.

I didn't expect to be doing a mental retrospective today. I expected to be cleaning house for an event I'm hosting this weekend and trying to recover from the stupid virus that stole my voice away for a few days. But, you know, cleaning does leave room for thinking, and they were valuable thoughts.

It seems appropriate as I clean away physical dirt, I can clean away some emotional clutter at the same time. So, thank you for your note. It clarified a few things for me.

Oh, and thank you for the bad grammar and spelling. It may be petty of me, but I find it harder to take an insult seriously when it's done poorly.