Really enjoyed this, love the subtle chaos of singing the alphabet out of order. I imagine it's a worse prison, to be forced into such helpless acquiescence, than the one she started out in...
I hope you don't mind a minor crit... "The fog was thicker." is a fairly ordinary sentence to start such an extraordinary piece with. "There was always a hint of fog at the edges of her prison", is a much better opening line (imo), as it has hook and intrigue. People often underestimate how important that first line is. =)
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Date: 2011-04-10 03:00 pm (UTC)I hope you don't mind a minor crit...
"The fog was thicker." is a fairly ordinary sentence to start such an extraordinary piece with. "There was always a hint of fog at the edges of her prison", is a much better opening line (imo), as it has hook and intrigue. People often underestimate how important that first line is. =)