I felt a loss of continuity with the previous stories when Stella's eyes started producing cartoon symbols. Obviously there were fantastic elements from the beginning, but I wasn't expecting that far into cartoon reality. I'm not sure if you'd always intended it to be more cartoon-like than I'd imagined it, or if your own perspective shifted. If this is a new power that Stella has just now acquired, you should describe it in more detail and show Grace at least a little surprised about it.

I'm still interested in how the story develops. Following on the question upthread of where it should go, I don't want to see Grace and Stella being sorry about the world they gave up. It didn't seem like they had very much connection to it before. The story could become "no matter how awful your life is, don't wish for escape, because you'll realize you really cared about what you had when it's gone," but I really don't want to read that story. I'd rather believe that the feather wouldn't have come to them, or it wouldn't have worked, if it wasn't going to make them happier. The cost is to other people that cared about them, even if they didn't realize they were there -- so I'd like to see the kind teacher have a chance to learn what happened to her lost students and decide that it's OK. I'd want to see it leading to a world where Home, instead of being a lifetime away from the human world, is right next door or even mixed right in, where humans can accept having a little magic in their lives.